Lately

So the last couple weeks I've been feeling very lonely. My dad has been in New York City for the last few days and I'm never home long enough to really spend any time with my roommates. I've been going to the gym A LOT to keep my mind busy and my friend Alisha (from my skyline years) is usually there to keep me motivated. Another place that I've found comfort in has been Barnes & Noble in Sugarhouse. I love all book stores, especially ones that smell of old, worn books that have been read a thousand times and coffee or hot chocolate. Luckly, B&N is right by the gym which makes it nice to walk over after I work out.

On another note, I wrote earlier about going to Cali to see my family in September and I forgot to post pictures I took of the kids. I don't know what I was thinking...



Jenny needed to run a quick errand in a store so me and Annabelle sat in the car and played.



I thought this one was so funny. It shows off her kissable cheeks!





Here are a couple of Charlie when we were at a fun pizza restraunt. I had to leave right after dinner to catch my flight home so we were all a little sad.



Dillon is turning into such a cool dude. I love them all so much!

The EX List

I realized something funny today... I've had 8 different boyfriends in the last 5 years!!! It might sound crazy and it probably is. I can hardly believe it myself but I thought it would be fun to make my EX list and share some experiences I've had with each.

1. Gavin Garr

I started dating Gavin when I was a freshman in highschool. I was 14 and he was 18. He didn't really sweep me off my feet at first but he made me laugh and we always found joy in conversations with eachother. I think I was drawn to Gavin because of his hidden sensitivity, unconditional love, and his family. Freshman year was a hard time for me and I felt very welcomed into the Garr family. They loved me and gave me comfort when no one else knew I was struggling. I regret lying to my mom about my relationship with Gavin ( I told her we were just friends ) but I don't regret the times I had with Gavin and his family. I truely loved Gavin while we were together and he was my best friend. One thing that really sets Gavin apart from anyone else is the ability he has to make anything enjoyable, whether it's going for a canyon drive in the dead of winter or just sitting on the couch and talking for hours about nothing. I still talk to Gavin and he is now in the Army. He will be going to Iraq in a few months.

2. Colton Carnahan

I met Colton when I lived with my sister Jenny in Arizona for the summer. I hung out with a group of people from church at the Warp Tour concert one day and that night hung out with them at a pool party. I was around Colton all day but I didn't notice him until that night at the pool party. Colton walked up to me, drying himself off with a towel and the conversation went something like this,

Colton: "What's up"

Me: "Who are you? Have you been with us all day?"

Colton: "Ya, but I don't blame you for not recognizing me...I look totally different without my shirt on."

Honestly, I don't think I've had a relationship as funny as the one I had with Colton. He made me laugh out loud every time I saw him. There were even a couple times when I think I peed. Anyways, after I moved to California we traveled back and forth to see eachother at least once or twice a month (romantic right?). Colton and I still talk and he is still making me laugh. He is working full time in Arizona and has had a couple girlfriends since me but I'm glad we've remained friends.

3. Golden Tawzer

This one was short but sweet. I met Golden while I was at my dad's in SLC on vacation. He came out to see me in California a couple weeks later and that was it, we were a couple. I moved to Utah shortly after we started dating and we had some good times. Probably the most memorable time I had with Golden was when we went to his brothers wedding in Idaho together. I stayed at his grandparents house for a couple days and took pictures for their family of the wedding. Golden and I had fun together but in the end, I was 5 or 6 years younger than him and that became a problem and prevented us from moving forward. He is happily married now so we don't talk. I wish him all the best!

4. Roger Ellis
No one knows alot about Roger because we only dated for 2 months...maybe less. I just hung out with him the summer before senior year and we went to a few movies and dinners. Roger is just my friend now and we still talk.



5. Chris Larsen
Ah, the infamous Christopher Larsen. I knew Chris through middle school and high school and had ALWAYS crushed over him. What I didn't know is he crushed on me too. We started dating during my senior year of high school and for a couple months it was perfection. On a lot of levels Chris and I related to eachother and enjoyed being together. We had the same interests and the same friends which made it easy to be around eachother all the time. I think our problems started when we both moved back to Logan and I depended on him more and more. I didn't have any family around so he became my primary focus. The mistakes were on both ends but I learned alot from this relationship. Chris and I don't talk but I know he is living in Arizona with his family.

6. Kevin Christensen

Kevin holds a very special place. He was my first boyfriend in 6th grade and we went off and on all through middle school and parts of high school (when I lived in Logan). It wasn't until senior prom when we reunited and became middle school/high school sweethearts again. Kevin is one of my best friends to this day and is a very positive, loving person. I went through some of the toughest times of my life with Kevin by my side and he has got to be one of the most patient people I know. I will always be grateful for the things Kevin has taught me, especially the ablity to forgive and learn from mistakes. He is living in Logan, getting ready to start another semester of college at USU and doing great.

7. Blake Bassett
I met Blake through his brother Cordell. We hit it off at first because we have the same taste in music, art, food, and movies. What we had was more of a fling than anything else but it was fun for a time. Blake and I don't talk but I work for his mom and with his brother so I know he is doing very well. The one thing I learned from Blake is that most really good-looking men are full of themselves and it makes them very unattractive...get my drift?

8. Johnny Vigil
Probably the most eccentric of the bunch but loads of fun. I wrote about Johnny in one of my first blogs and I actually moved in with him for about 2 weeks before our relationship ended in May. I met Johnny when I was 17 and living in SLC and we went on a few dates but didn't seriously start dating until January of 08'. Johnny is the most hard working, determined, tough person I know. He works for everything he has and every day makes big strides to be better than the day before. He is not shy about expressing himself at all and knows exactly what he wants in life. His direction and determination is something I've learned from and part of the reason I work so hard. Johnny and I are almost polar opposites but through me I think he softened up, and through him I know I became stronger. We still talk and see eachother alot and he is doing great... moving forward as always.

So, that's it! I've had some wonderful guys in my life...and some not-so-great guys but overall I've learned ALOT and don't regret meeting any of them. It's been fun going back through time and remembering some of the experiences I've had but I'm ready to move on and see what's in store next...hahaha

Confusion NOT over

"Get Up!, I've got a plan for us today"

That is the text I got Saturday morning from my dad at about 9:30am. I didn't want to get up because I'd had a late night but I decided wake up and see what his "plan" was. I've wrote alot lately about how confused I've been about prop 8 and the issue of gay marriage so I found it ironic that my dad's plan was to go to, and participate in, a gay rights rally. I had never been to a rally before, or protested anything in public in my life but my dad didn't want to go alone. He made a total of four signs for us to take to the rally earlier in the morning so by the time I rolled out of bed, put a hat on, and drove to his house we were ready to go, signs and all.

As we pulled up to the City Hall building in downtown SLC the crowd was overwhelming. There were literally thousands of people with signs protesting prop 8 and protesting gay marriage. It was a battle ground. To be honest, I didn't want to be on one side or the other but I had my sign and went with it, trying to be objective. I have never seen so many people be so passionate in unison. The screaming, chanting, and arguments were everywhere from both sides. I heard things like,

"What do we want? EQUALITY! When do we want it? NOW!" and

"HOMOS GO TO HELL", over and over again.

The march was a total of four blocks around City Hall and Library Square with cars driving by either honking and waving or honking and flipping us off. It was obvious how much hate and frustration was felt by everyone involved. I never thought I'd see something like it in my life time, but I did and it was with my dad.

In the end, I'm happy I went (even though I was half asleep) and it opened my eyes to many things on both sides but the confusion is still in my heart. I can't seem to sort out my thoughts....

Me and my dad. I'm barely awake in this picture.


This is one of my dad's signs and was actually mentioned in the newspaper the next morning. This is also officially the picture that pops up on my phone when my dad calls me, hahahaha.


Here's the other side of the same sign. I thought my dad did a really good job drawing the fist.

Being in the middle of the whole thing gave me some anxiety but I was fine.

Marching down the streets...

Some People Wonder Why I Love Utah....

I've been going running alot lately so about a month ago I took these pictures right when the leaves started changing in one of the canyons in Utah.

I don't think I got alot of exercise because I was too busy taking pictures...

This last picture was taken on Halloween night. I was at a house above the capital in Salt Lake City and the view took my breath away. The picture doesn't really do any justice of what it felt like to be above the city. The LDS temple was especially gorgeous that night.

Pictures of life right now

The roomies and Bobbi. Taylor looks a little scary.....

I love Bobbi

Some friends I love

These two are funny. He painted his eye lids to look like his eyes but they got kindda smudged.

I also saw my best friend from middle school on Halloween night, Bobbi McFarland (the girl in the middle). She is still one of the funniest girls I know.

Seeing Gavin Garr on Halloween, my first real boyfriend when I was 15 years old (mom wasn't too pleased). I was a little Freshman and he was a Senior.... He has since been enlisted into the Army and is doing fine. It was really good to see him.

Me, Chandler, and Taylor at the Utah State Fair...

The confusion

Every family has it's problems and I am no exception. I have found myself very confused by a political issue lately which has strongly affected the relationships I have with my family.

The issue of gay marriage.

Most of my family (including mom, and siblings) are pro-family and disagree with the legalizing of gay marriage in any state. But, my dad is a liberal gay man who I've lived with for a combined total of about 3 years. I've seen both sides of the argument first hand and have lived both life styles early on in my young life. Some of my favorite people are my dad's ex-boyfriends or acquaintances and some of my most memorable moments growing up have been affiliated with the mormon church. I've always formed my own opinions with information gathered from each side, but this issue of gay marriage has got me stumped. I believe in equality, but I also believe keeping the tradition of marriage is important. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve but God also allowed people to be born attracted to the opposite sex.

With the news of prop 8 passing in California I stood silent, confused at how to react. I watched my mom and siblings rejoice in victory and my dad protest and scream outside Temple square. So here I am, still wondering and having no gut feeling at all.
Being a hot headed, opinionated, and strong-willed person, I am not easily bewildered by political issues, but this one hits home and leaves me questioning. Is there right or wrong?