24

So, I've made it through another weekend and I'm down to 24 days. Things are looking pretty good and I'm working on a financial plan that should boost me up a little bit as far as money goes. I ran into Johnny at a concert last week and I was very polite and nice to him. I didn't want to have ANY contact, but that has been difficult due to "small world" syndrome here in SLC. Anyways, I kept my head up and I haven't allowed myself to break down too much...although, it's been very difficult.

I have been looking at dogs lately because my apartment allows them and I think it'd be a great way to get my mind off of things and a new beginning...especially after losing Watson (my puppy of 10 years). I can't decide if I should get a new breed, or if I should just stick to mini schauzters. I know that adopting one from the pound would be better but I haven't seen any that I feel like I could take home yet. It'll probably take some time but I'm excited! I think I need a little companion instead of a boyfriend.

This past weekend was really fun! I went to Bear Lake with my dad on Sunday and met up with my Aunt Tammy, Uncle Mike, Grandparents, and cousins. We had a jet ski and played in the sun allllllll day! It was exactly what I needed to relax, plus I got a huge raspberry shake at the end of the day :). Anyways, I'm keeping my head up, trying to stay positive.

31

So I've made it through the weekend and I'm feeling much better than last week. I stayed home for the 4th of July weekend and relaxed. Well, I guess I spent most the time in my dad's backyard laying out in the sun, reading, swinging in the shade, and hot tubbing. I told myself at the beginning of the weekend that I was going to meet new people and branch out. I did exactly that.

Friday night I met a whole new group of people through my friend Celeste at a place called "Gracies" here in SLC. They were all so nice and it was really easy to get to know them without any awkard moments. I've realized that I've been in a bubble for almost a year! I love meeting new people and I always have, I missed it.

Anyways, I hung out allllll day Saturday with the same group of people by a pool and then we had a BBQ and played volleyball (I injured my hand pretty good). I met some nice guys and I'm actually supposed to go on a date with one of them tonight. I think it will probably just be a friendship thing but I'm excited because he's really funny and named his dog after the Utah Jazz....gotta give that a chance. haha

Sunday I spent the day with my dad. We went roller blading in the park and went to a play in the evening. I walked into my apartment last night smiling from ear to ear. I couldn't help it! I'm discovering a new me and feeling so much better about life. I'm still working on my goals but I'm thinking things can only go up from here. YAY! Keeping a positive outlook on things has helped me lately so I'm going to keep making my positive thoughts a reality.

35 Days

I have officially set a goal. In 35 days my life will be better. In 35 days I will know who I am again and what I'm working towards. In 35 days I will be OVER my ex boyfriend and the people who have brought me down and focused on myself. In 35 days, I'll be happier all the way around and closer to God.

Since I last wrote things got crazy and completely turned upside down in my life. Long story short, I've moved around a lot since February and I've even lived out of my car. I've blown all my savings on deposites for new places to live, car expenses, boyfriends that don't deserve it, and food to keep me alive. The only thing that has stayed the same is my job. I still have my job and I'm still there for 9 hours every day earning a paycheck. My relationship with my dad was rocky but it's looking up, and my relationship with my mom has always been good...I just wish she was closer. NONE of my siblings live in Utah anymore so that in itself has been difficult. I stopped praying for a while and lost my closeness with God which I don't recommend to anyone. In just the past month I've been dumped twice by the same guy, moved into a one bedroom place after living with him, drove to California in the middle of the night due to a mental/anxiety breakdown and I owe everyone and their dog money for helping me with all the transitions I've gone through. Okay okay, I just owe my parents money and credit card companies, but still, it hasn't been pretty. I am at a point where I don't feel like things can get much worse (even though I know they probably could) and I'm struggling to wake up everyday. I spent a lot of time and effort getting off anti-depressants and now I'm about ready to swallow an entire bottle. Sounds fun eh?

So, now I can explain the 35 days. I've decided that I need to stop feeling bad for myself and give myself a challenge instead. So, self, I'm giving you 35 days to turn your life around. No excuses. Just do it.

I am going to allow my dad to take over my finances for a period of time and give me an allowance each week. I've GOT to pay off some debts. I am not going to talk to anyone who is a bad influence or makes me feel less than I am for 35 days at least....probably more, but it's a start. My physical health has been good the last few months but I'm gonna shoot for an even healthier physical body, no more feeling sick! And lastly, I am going to start praying all day...be in constant meditation and start listening to my inner self.

I know 35 days doesn't seem like a huge amount of time but I didn't want to do anything too extreme because I get overwhelmed easily....especially with all the circumstances lately. IT IS TIME TO TAKE CONTROL.

Writing helps me a lot. It helps me empty what I'm feeling inside so I can fit better things into my brain. I am like a lot of writers, I am inspired when I'm sad or depressed. Sounds crazy, but if you pay attention, there are a lot more sad stories and poems than there are happy ones. That being said, I am going to be sharing some of the things I've written in the past months on my blog. No body get alarmed! Alot of it is sad but I need to do this as part of my 35 days of getting better. I need to release ALL the things I've kept inside and re-build. My life needs not just change, but POSITIVE change, and I am going to make it happen. 35 days to a better life starts now.