35 Days

I have officially set a goal. In 35 days my life will be better. In 35 days I will know who I am again and what I'm working towards. In 35 days I will be OVER my ex boyfriend and the people who have brought me down and focused on myself. In 35 days, I'll be happier all the way around and closer to God.

Since I last wrote things got crazy and completely turned upside down in my life. Long story short, I've moved around a lot since February and I've even lived out of my car. I've blown all my savings on deposites for new places to live, car expenses, boyfriends that don't deserve it, and food to keep me alive. The only thing that has stayed the same is my job. I still have my job and I'm still there for 9 hours every day earning a paycheck. My relationship with my dad was rocky but it's looking up, and my relationship with my mom has always been good...I just wish she was closer. NONE of my siblings live in Utah anymore so that in itself has been difficult. I stopped praying for a while and lost my closeness with God which I don't recommend to anyone. In just the past month I've been dumped twice by the same guy, moved into a one bedroom place after living with him, drove to California in the middle of the night due to a mental/anxiety breakdown and I owe everyone and their dog money for helping me with all the transitions I've gone through. Okay okay, I just owe my parents money and credit card companies, but still, it hasn't been pretty. I am at a point where I don't feel like things can get much worse (even though I know they probably could) and I'm struggling to wake up everyday. I spent a lot of time and effort getting off anti-depressants and now I'm about ready to swallow an entire bottle. Sounds fun eh?

So, now I can explain the 35 days. I've decided that I need to stop feeling bad for myself and give myself a challenge instead. So, self, I'm giving you 35 days to turn your life around. No excuses. Just do it.

I am going to allow my dad to take over my finances for a period of time and give me an allowance each week. I've GOT to pay off some debts. I am not going to talk to anyone who is a bad influence or makes me feel less than I am for 35 days at least....probably more, but it's a start. My physical health has been good the last few months but I'm gonna shoot for an even healthier physical body, no more feeling sick! And lastly, I am going to start praying all day...be in constant meditation and start listening to my inner self.

I know 35 days doesn't seem like a huge amount of time but I didn't want to do anything too extreme because I get overwhelmed easily....especially with all the circumstances lately. IT IS TIME TO TAKE CONTROL.

Writing helps me a lot. It helps me empty what I'm feeling inside so I can fit better things into my brain. I am like a lot of writers, I am inspired when I'm sad or depressed. Sounds crazy, but if you pay attention, there are a lot more sad stories and poems than there are happy ones. That being said, I am going to be sharing some of the things I've written in the past months on my blog. No body get alarmed! Alot of it is sad but I need to do this as part of my 35 days of getting better. I need to release ALL the things I've kept inside and re-build. My life needs not just change, but POSITIVE change, and I am going to make it happen. 35 days to a better life starts now.