Memorial Day Pictures

I promised some pictures from the California trip with Adrian and the girls. Here they are! These are some of my favorites from the whole trip.

A Little Slice of Heaven

Remember when I wrote about how nervous I was about taking Adrian to see my mom? Wow, did I overreact. SHE LOVED HIM and the trip went better than planned. The weather was perfect, family was happy, and the three little monsters in the back seat did awesome the whole time. I'm very very relieved and happy.

Even with the short amount of time we were in Cali, I was able to accomplish everything I set out to do. We went shopping, to the beach, Ruby's Pier in Oceanside, homemade dinners & cinnamon rolls, and I finally was able to have a deep conversation over tea and toast with my mom. I had missed her so so much.

As you can probably guess, most of our conversations were about Adrian and the three little girls and how I fit into this new "Chiaramonte" world, but luckily, there wasn't much explaining that needed to be done. She could see the love I have for A and his girls, and the love that they show me in return. She told me she could "see into Adrian's heart" and was "happy I found someone who truely loves me".
Those are the words of approval I needed to hear from my momma... I think every girl looks for that kind of encouragement when they bring a man home.

One of the main highlights of the trip was very unexpected. One morning, while were all eating breakfast, my nephew Charlie walked up to Adrian and said, "You look like Toby". We all kind of looked at him funny, trying to decide who "Toby" was, but Charlie quickly answered our confusion by saying, "Toby, from Alvin and the Chipmunks, The Squeakqual". Apparently "Toby" is the caretaker of the chipmunks in the movie. From that day on, we all started calling Adrian, "Toby"... even mother Jones couldn't help herself. He got a new family, and a new name in California. When we pulled away I could hear Charlie yelling, "Bye Toby, I love you Toby!". So freakin' cute!

Anyways, my writing is not great right now and there are still some things I need to update people on but the day is running away from me and I will update more later. The main thing is, California was very much like a little slice of heaven for me. Some of my favorite people, all in the same place, enjoying eachothers company. I absolutely loved it. SUCCESS!!

Wedding Dress Virgin

K, before I write anything, I need to clear something up. I AM NOT ENGAGED RIGHT NOW, OR PLANNING MY WEDDING.

Now I can continue.

Yesterday, I had a photo shoot modeling wedding dresses for my friend Kenzie, who has started her own wedding dress business (Congrats girl). I have done some modeling in the past, but never did anything related to wedding shoots. I figured most modeling shoots are about the same... You put on what they want you to wear, make a few sexy faces, smiling faces, and pose - done right? No, wrong.

I never understood how incredible a dress can make you feel until I slipped on the first dress for the shoot and I, Haley B. Jones, lost my wedding dress virginity. You could argue that a prom dress can make a girl feel the same way, but it wasn't the case for me. As Kenzie finished squeezing me into the white gown, I got surprisingly emotional about the whole thing. I wasn't crying or anything that extreme, but it was a strange internal feeling when I looked into the mirror and saw myself as a bride for the first time. It was special.

I'll be the first to admit that I was somewhat of a "tom-boy" during parts of my childhood, and I never really put much emphysis on my wedding day or the man I'd marry. In fact, thinking back, all of my friends were brides at least once for Halloween, but not Haley... I preferred dying my hair green and being a witch or some weird Star Wars character. Maybe it was because my parents were divorced and I didn't see the point in marriage, or maybe it was just because I thought boys stunk and had cooties, either way, I never dreamed about my wedding day like most little girls do.

That being said, I guess you can understand why yesterday was somewhat of a shocker for me and a good surprise. I actually felt comfortable in a big white gown, pretending to be a glowing bride. Within the straps and stitching, I finally understood why many women claim that their wedding day was the best day of their lives. It instantly makes you feel like the most important, beautiful woman in the world for just one day. I get it now.

For me, my wedding day still isn't what I fantasize about day in and day out, but from my experience yesterday, it definitely boosted my excitement for that one special day. Now I can respect and recognize the power of a big white dress.



These are a couple of the shots from yesterday's photoshoot taken with my iPhone.

~The Battle~

So last week I was a mess. I felt anxious/sad and I absolutely couldn't figure out what was going on inside my head. Then, on Friday night after work, I had a complete anxiety attack slash breakdown and right when I reached for the "quick-fix" anti-depressants I stopped and decided to sit myself down and talk myself through the feelings inside. I asked myself three things:

1. Why in the HELL are you crying?
2. Why have you felt sad/depressed for a week?
3. How are you going to fix it?

I have a history of taking anti-depressants, mostly during a few rough patches in my teenage years so I know the dangers of depression and I can honestly say, it's always been a constant back and forth battle. It was surprising to me that after so long without the symptoms, I was having those feelings again when I have nothing to complain about. I knew I needed to dig a little deeper within myself to figure it out. I went through my three questions and came up with three answers, with the help of my dad, my best friend Hillary, and my beau Adrian.

First, I called Hillary and told her what was going on. She answered my first question very quickly by saying, "Sometimes Haley, us girls just need a good cry. It's in our DNA." She was right.
I hadn't cried for a long time before Friday night, and I think my anxieties were manifesting themselves through my tears. Instead of keeping my emotions inside (like I usually do), my extreme feminine side finally took over and I was able to shed some tears. It's said that a "good cry" helps relieve some stress and improve your mood so I fully took advantage of that theory and allowed myself to sob. In the end, I did feel much better after I wiped away the tears and re-touched my makeup.

To answer my second question, I called my dad, who has struggled with depression almost his entire life. I knew he was a great person to talk to about the saddness I was feeling. He explained to me that it's normal for everyone to have their "down days" (what he calls it) and that it will pass with time. But, we also talked about the fact that I am feeling a bit bored with my day to day life. Going to work for 10 hours, working out, then waiting for the weekend to come so I can switch it up a bit. That is basically the life I've been living for over 2 years now and it makes this 21 year old feel.... 30ish. Shouldn't I be in school? Shouldn't I be working a fun, part-time job or learning a new skill at such a young age?
Don't get me wrong, I have loved the structure and security my job has given me but I KNOW I don't want to be stuck behind a desk for the rest of my life.
The pressure to find a career and expand my knowledge about the world around me is becoming more and more prominent in my life and that is where my anxieties are coming from.

And finally, that lead me to my last question. How am I going to start moving forward and looking for a new game plan and new opportunities. Adrian came home right after I finished talking to my dad on the phone and he took me on a cute dinner date, knowing I had something on my mind. We talked about ways I could start making some changes and looking towards the future. He explained to me that he would love for me to go back to school, or find a new job, if it will make me happier and feeling more fulfilled. I told him I never wanted him to feel like I was completely dependant on him for a place to live, or money. I want to have my own back-up plan, not because I don't think it will work out, but simply for my own security and peace of mind. I was relieved that he agreed with me and we discussed options for schooling, among other things.

So, after I long hard week and a "good cry" on Friday I pin-pointed my anxieties and my feelings of sadness. No pills or therapy needed which was completely liberating. With the help of family,a good friend, and the man I dearly love, I was able to move past and talk through things that, a few years ago, would have sent me over the edge and into darkness. It's Tuesday now, and I'm still doing my day to day routine but instead of feeling sad I feel hope. I have the support and love I need to make some positive and happy changes in my life and I've finally learned how to successfully communicate... something I struggled to do for years. In the battle between me and depression, I think I won this round.

Haley - 1
Anxiety/depression - 0

SHOUT OUT!

I need to give a couple quick shout-outs.

First is Chad Braithwaite. He is a very close friend of mine and an amazing photographer here in Utah. He truely is a visionary and his work is absolutely stunning! Here is his website so you can check him out!

www.face-photo.com

Second, is my beau Adrian Chiaramonte has started to try and help the "green environment" cause by building a website for ecigarettes. They are cigarettes that can be smoked anywhere without the bad chemicals, smell, and smoke of a regular cigarette. It's greener for our earth and safer for smokers. Check out his newly finished website!

http://www.greensmartliving.com/

Good luck & great job guys!

Meeting The Family

Back when I was growing up, I knew I'd be different than the rest of my family. I always had a feeling I'd never marry in an LDS temple or be committed to one idea my whole life. But, I can honestly say, I never thought things would unfold the way they have. We are now only 10 days away from my mom and Adrian meeting face to face. This is a HUGE deal for me and something I have been waiting for since a week after I met him and I knew he was the type of man I'd been looking for. Adrian is SO nervous to meet her but very excited to finally hit this stage in our relationship.

I keep having different thoughts about how this whole thing could play out, and I guess I have been stressing about it a little. After all, Adrian is older than ALL of my siblings, and it is the first time my mom will have to deal with her youngest daughter seriously talking about marriage. Marriage at 22(ish) to a foreign man, who has been divorced once before and has three daughters - teenage daughters. No pressure right? Ugh. Wrong.

Truthfully though, I have to give my mom huge credit for her support and love so far. I know my choices in life have not been what she would have chose for me but she loves me none-the-less. My hopes are simple for the memorial day trip. I hope my mom and family can see the happiness I feel. I hope I can enjoy my vacation without worrying about expectations and show Adrian & his girls how wonderful my family is. And lastly, I hope when I leave I can take a huge sigh of relief. Family is everything and if I'm going to marry Adrian eventually, I need our families to somehow blend together.

I guess we will see how this all goes down...10 Days.

Love That Family Feeling

Recently we celebrated Nichole's birthday (Adrian's 11 year old) at his ex-wife's house in Draper. It was the first time in a long time I've had that "family" feeling that I miss so much from my childhood. When I was growing up, we were a very close family, and we always celebrated birthdays and holidays together. We even spent every Sunday night around the dinner table enjoying eachothers company and playing in the yard after our food was devoured. I miss that SO much.

I am so grateful that I have been accepted into the Chiaramonte family with open, loving arms since my family is much more spread out now and it's much harder to get us all together. It is so wonderful to be a part of the little girls' development and see them growing up. They have really brightened up my life.

Also, I'm amazed at how well Adrian and his ex wife get along, and how wonderful she is to me. Veronica (the ex) always thanks me for being there and we get along very well. I couldn't be more happy & more at peace than I am right now.

SMILE, It's Monday!

The receptionist - The first person everyone see's in the morning. I'm here before any of the secretaries, paralegals, and attorney's start to arrive and whether I feel joyful or not, I attempt to smile and welcome them to another 9-10 hours of Kipp and Christian fun...just part of the job. On a normal Monday morning, I greet them and usually get the same monotone answers about how they "didn't sleep great so they are tired", or "it's just another day Monday". Obviously no one is thrilled to be stuck in an office instead of outside in the spring sun and I don't blame them, but it got me thinking, what if everyone changed their attitude first thing in the morning and responded with things like, "it's a beautiful day today", or "it's great to be here"? What if they really took an extra 5 minutes in the morning and counted the things in life they are grateful for? That would change EVERYTHING! If more people would attempt to have a positive outlook on their jobs and walked in with a smile it would change the whole direction of the entire day and week. So, that being said, I've decided to make a new goal. Instead of "faking" a smile every morning I'm going to really mean it. I'm setting my alarm 5 minutes early in the morning so I can get up and reflect what I'm thankful for, maybe even 10 minutes early on Monday's since that seems to be the most fretted day of the week. I know it will make a difference in my own life, but it will be interesting to see if people feed off the positive energy and switch their attitudes for a better work week. I'm the first person they see and you better believe they are going to receive a huge Monday morning smile from now on.
HAPPY MONDAY!!

The Search Is On.

There is something missing in my life right now. I've had an empty space in my heart since I left California in 2008. At first I couldn't pin point what the empty space was, but after a lot of thought, I've discovered EXACTLY what it is. A puppy!

Watson, my last little doggie, died last year in California while he was living with my mom and even though I didn't see him as much, I still felt like I had my little companion. Now that Watson is gone, and I'm at a place in my life where I feel like I could really take care of a puppy, the search is on.

About a week ago I confessed to Adrian that I had been looking at pups and to my surprise, he was totally supportive and wants one too. We both decided we want a female English Bulldog named Sophie. The only problem I am running into is the fact that almost every breeder in Utah sells their prized bulldogs for $1000-$2000!!! I can't believe how expensive they are! So, I've been saving some cash and hopefully by Adrian's birthday in June we will have our little addition.

We both made the mistake of telling Adrian's three little girls about getting a puppy so now we CAN'T back out...they are very excited and anxious. So, for now, I'm still searching for the perfect little girl.

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!

5 Months of PURE BLISS

I really enjoy writing, so it's a mystery to me how I get caught up in reading "celebrity news" online instead of updating my friends and family on my life through this webpage. I sincerely apologize for my absense the last 6 or 7 months. It's such a shame when SO much positivity has been happening in my life. But, today, I am going to give the update and REALLY try and stay on top of this.

6 months ago Johnny and I broke up again (what is that, like 5 times? Geeze). I saw it coming, even dreamt about it for weeks before, and was well prepared to be single. The second he dropped the bomb, I was out of his life and apartment in just a couple days. I moved back in with my dad and took a few sighs of relief. I finally was done and I knew I'd never go back. Living on my own during the summer before had taught me that it's okay to be alone, and I was ready to focus on myself again. Sure, I had a few cries and at least one breakdown (the night he broke the news)but for the most part I was extremely ready to be free and released from the agony I had endered during my ups and downs with him. I was free, not only physically, but emotionally as well.

Not long after I left Johnny's apartment (with him begging me to stay of course)(Doucher) I received a very special "friend request" on Facebook. The name was Adrian Chiaramonte. Usually I look at friend requests and accept or decline them as quick as I blink. But, this time I paused, looked, and even stared a little bit. Why was this man so intreging to me? Was it in the name? The face? I couldn't figure it out. So, I did what most curious girls would do and sent him a message after I had accepted his request to be friends. The message simply read, "Hi, do I know you?".

And the best 5 months of my young life had begun.

We sent messages back and forth via Facebook and eventually exchanged numbers. We texted a lot that first weekend and to me, he was charming and kind. A nice "friend" after a rough time in the previous weeks/months. He gave good advice and seemed to share my same opinions on life, relationships, and love. Adrian told me he'd come visit my work next time he was at the Gateway (where I was working part-time for the holiday's) just to say hi and meet me in person. He came in on November 9th 2009 for a suprise visit and that very same evening we had a late dinner together at a place called Eva's. The chemistry was undeniable. We are 15 years apart and yet, we related to eachother like we were the very same age. As we sat across from eachother and I looked into his eyes and listened to him speak with his funny accent, I knew I was in trouble. As hard as I tried to deny my overwhelming attraction to him I couldn't deny the connection we were making. 2 hours across from eachother, seemed like 5 minutes, and just like that, I was hooked. That first night, he took me to his house (to get my car) and asked me to dance right there in his living room. The song he played?, "Me and Mrs. Jones" by Michael Buble'. It was during that dance, and during that song that we shared our first kiss.

It all sounds like a script from a movie right? The funny thing is, I am not exaggerating ANYTHING. It was the begginning of the love story I have always dreamt of but never thought existed. After our kiss, and he walked me out to my car, I smiled the whole way home and my stomach was going crazy with butterflies. After living in sorrow, doubt, and a hardened relationship for so long, I was so relieved to know that I could feel passion, excitment, and happiness again. Even if it wasn't a long term thing, I wasn't sure yet.

Fortunately for me, Adrian felt the same thing. He felt the connection, the passion, and the desire to be around eachother. We started seeing eachother more and more and the connection grew deeper and deeper. Although we both had some fears and we both tried convincing our hearts to slow down, neither of us could help but keep the ball rolling at full speed and within a month I had met his ex-wife, three little girls, we were "official", and happier than ever.

So, 5 months later and we are still going strong and enjoying every moment. Most nights are simple and uneventful, and weekends are spent with the three little girls, which I enjoy very much. But, through the 5 months we have had a lot of fun too. We went to Miami in January, Park city for Sundance a couple weeks after that, then it was my 21st birthday (Adrian threw me a huge, amazing birthday party), and then we traveled to Miami again, then Seattle, and finally Portland. Yeah, we've had a great time together.

Some other things that have been a huge positive in my life are my friends and my growing relationship with my dad. My friends (old and new) have been so supportive and loving towards me since my break up and new found love. They have taken me in at time of trouble, and taken me out for fun nights, just because. I love and adore my friends. My dad and I have had our rough patches through the last 5 years or so, but we have never been closer than we are now. He has helped me figure out my fincances and helped me create healthy goals, plus, he is always a great person to have around during a fun party or get-together. I love my poppa.

Anyways, I think the only thing void in my life is seeing my brothers, sisters, and mom more. I wish it was easier to get us all together but Adrian and I are planning a trip in May to go see Mother Jones. He will be meeting her for the first time and I couldn't be more excited. Life is beautiful :)