Just a little T.L.C

So I finally went and saw my Sister Jenny, Mom, Brother Nate, and the little kiddles. It was MUCH needed and I had a blast with them. I could have just sat in Jenny's house and cuddled Annabelle all weekend and I would have been more than happy. The kids are so adorable and sweet, I love to give them millions of kisses when I visit.

Charlie said to me the day I left "Auntie, I don't like kisses. But I love the ones from you"

He is such a sweet boy

Annabelle was surrounded by tons of fun toys and things to play with but she only wanted to play with a silly piece of string. Figures

She gave me a huge kiss after this picture was taken and slobered all over my chin. I wish I had a picture of it!

We went to get our toes done at "Jazzy Nails" in Oceanside. All the women at the salon LOVED Annabelle. She really knows how to entertain people at a early age.

We went on the Tower of Terror at California Adventures the day I left. Dillon and Nate had never been on it before so it was really fun to go on the ride with them. I made Dillon keep his eyes open the whole time and hold hands because he was so scared. It was so funny!

Gotta Have The Ones I Love

So today is pretty good. I had a melt down last night but overall I think I'm taking this pretty well. I know I'm taking it better than Johnny. I feel so bad that he is hurting so much.... I know he will be happy eventually though. I have had so much help from my friends and family and they have all been so nice. Here are some of the most inspiring words I've heard the last two days from the one I love most.

Hillary: "No worries Hay, in five years you will laugh at this whole thing because you'll be with your true soul mate...David Cook. And I will be with Jason Castro"

Mom: "You seem so far away and yet, you are always in my thoughts. I'm sorry things didn't work out at Johnny's just because it was so painful for you and for him I am sure. It doesn't sound like he was home much and that had to be very lonely for you. He seems sincere in his love for you; but, perhaps your right, it just doesn't work for a number of reasons."

Chandler: "Johnny added me on myspace and it freaked me out, I thought he was gonna yell at me. Pet my baby goat and you will feel better"

Jenny: "Ya live and learn eh?"

Dad: "Sometimes you have to just go with your gut. There is nothing wrong with that sweetheart. Wanna brownie?"

Stevie: "Happiness is within yourself and no one else. If your not happy with someone then your better off being happy by yourself. Stop worrying about how he is gonna feel, take care of yourself first kid!"

Andrew: "You deserve someone who makes you laugh harder than your stupid Chuck Norris jokes. It has to be to the point that you want to pee because that's how you are Haley. You need a funny guy."

Lyna: "What you did was very hard :( You need to be proud of it and have fun!"


Anyways, thanks for all the support. It really helps a lot! With all the things i've done and choices I've made that were sometimes stupid I think I'd be pretty messed up without my friends and family who support me through everything and love me no matter what. love you guys

I broke up with Johnny. I got nervous and scared for a few different reasons and just packed all my things and left. I am having a hard time this morning, especially when I woke up and I was at my dads house with all my clothes and things scattered everywhere. I hate this. I really feel like a terrible person for just leaving and not really having a defined reason why. He kept asking me for a reason and I couldnt come up with anything he would have understood.
Basically, I'm struggling today but the only thing that is getting me through it is the fact that I will be seeing my family in California this week. I need to see them so bad. This is painful but I'm sure time will fix it. I just don't know if I will ever trust someone enough to give my heart to them completely. Seems like they always let me down, or I let myself down.
I shouldn't be so sad about this, after-all it was my decision to leave, but I knew I couldn't live with him or continue to be in a relationship that was practically a marriage without the wedding, ring, or approval of my family. I had to get out.
Johnny will take this hard, and I'm already starting to feel the burn but I can't deny my gut feelings. Part of me knows I will always love Johnny, but I also know that I can't be with him seriously right now. I need some time to myself, some time to take care of Haley.

The Winners....and Losers

Frustration is settling in today because we lost last nights game against the Lakers. We are now 3-2 in the series. Luckly we are headed back to SLC tomorrow night and if we win that game it will be down to game seven....in LA. Makes me nervous but I have faith in my team, afterall we are an all around better team than the Lakers.
Also, David Cook and David Archuleta are in the final 2 next week on AMERICAN IDOL! I'm very excited for both but I hope that David Cook wins. He is amazing! Me and Hillary already bought our tickets for the AI tour this summer. We got as close to the front as possible. I'm SO excited to go, even though im pretty sure I will have a heart attack and die when I see Jason Castro and David Cook.....literally im scared for my life.
Johnny and I are doing very very well and I still love him. As much as I love spending time with him I really need to go see my mom in Cali. I miss my family so much! It's been so hard for me lately not to be around them and I don't even know why. I've cried several nights in a row just missing my mom and sister and brothers. My dad has had to be the "shoulder" to cry on for me lately because Johnny has been working SO much. I go to work at 7:45am, he goes at 9:00am, I get off at 5:00pm, but he doesn't until 10:00pm! I see him for probably a good hour before I fall asleep.
Ok, So I booked a flight to go to California on May 22nd and I won't be going back to SLC until the 27th! I cannot wait! Nate is in Cali (my bro) and so we are going to spend some good quality time together, along with my mom and sis. My mom mentioned a Spa day and shopping.....makes me so excited! Another thing that has happened this past week is I got a new car. It's a 2005 Scion tC, black with all black interior. I realllllly love it but the guy who had it before me put a muffler on it and it's really loud. I am getting that removed ASAP. Overall, things are good and they are getting even better.

Weekend

This says it all.... Love my Team

So this last weekend went by WAY too fast....as usual. Johnny and I went to a play called "Sordid Lives" at the Rose Wagner theatre on Friday night. I really enjoyed the play and thought it was absolutely hilarious. It reminded me alot of my moms side of the family(Crazy and always fun). Saturday I spent cleaning the condo and re-decorating with my dads help of course. I had so much fun decorating such a cool place but by the end of Saturday I was completely beat! Johnny worked from 8:00am to 11:00pm that day so by the time he got home I had the whole bedroom torn apart and ready for bed. He just laughed at me and finished what I'd started while I went to sleep. By Sunday night we had everything put back together with all the new additions and the place looks amazing!

Ok, on another note. I am so Pissed about the Jazz losing the first game to the Lakers on Sunday afternoon. I watched the game just hoping and praying that we could get over the hump and start to take-over the game. Didn't happen. I got so frustrated watching the crowd cheer "M.V.P" over and over again when Kobe was shooting free throws. I will give him credit and say yes, he is a good b-ball player but I hate the guy because he is a one man show. There is no team with the Lakers, just Kobe. He is arrogant and too proud for his own good. Basically, I wouldn't cry if something horrible happened to him. I think the only thing that made it better for me after the Jazz lost last night is listening to a recording of David Cook perform on American Idol....Ahhhh I love him. I'm a huge fan of Jason Castro too but that is more Hillary's area of expertise. David Cook will win American Idol this year and he deserves it! I can't remember the last bad performance he had. My favorite so far had to be when he sang an Andrew Lloyde Webber song from the musical Phantom of the Opera. I peed a little when he hit that high note. And I peed a little just now thinking about it.

Different subject: I need to go see my mom. I miss her and my sister so much! I was talking about them alot yesterday to Johnny so he looked up flights for me to go see them. I still am planning the trip and deciding when the best time to go is but one thing is for sure, I am in some serious need of a hug from my mom and kisses from Dillon, Charlie, and Annabell. There is nothing like my moms cooking and her TLC. I miss it more than anything. When I lived in California my mom and I were eachothers best friend. Almost every weekend we hung out together either getting our toes done, shopping at Victoria Gardens, or going to Huntington beach just to walk by the ocean. I haven't spent any quality time with her since we went to NYC last year for my graduation present. Things are good in SLC now but they could be better if my mom was here too.

I think the closest thing I have to my mom here is a lady that I go visit once or twice a week. I call her "Nana". She is in her seventies but very chipper and fun to talk to. She will make me dinner and we will chat and sit on her sofa with all her cats. She has had a very interesting life including SEVEN husbands, trips all over the world, and life experiences I can't even imagin. We never run out of things to talk about and usually I'm there alot longer than I expected. She had a little birthday party for me this last Febuary and made a huge cake and this great potatoe soup I love. It was very thoughtful of her and I have grown to adore her. Anyways, I'm at work so I should probably stop writing and get some things done.