I broke up with Johnny. I got nervous and scared for a few different reasons and just packed all my things and left. I am having a hard time this morning, especially when I woke up and I was at my dads house with all my clothes and things scattered everywhere. I hate this. I really feel like a terrible person for just leaving and not really having a defined reason why. He kept asking me for a reason and I couldnt come up with anything he would have understood.
Basically, I'm struggling today but the only thing that is getting me through it is the fact that I will be seeing my family in California this week. I need to see them so bad. This is painful but I'm sure time will fix it. I just don't know if I will ever trust someone enough to give my heart to them completely. Seems like they always let me down, or I let myself down.
I shouldn't be so sad about this, after-all it was my decision to leave, but I knew I couldn't live with him or continue to be in a relationship that was practically a marriage without the wedding, ring, or approval of my family. I had to get out.
Johnny will take this hard, and I'm already starting to feel the burn but I can't deny my gut feelings. Part of me knows I will always love Johnny, but I also know that I can't be with him seriously right now. I need some time to myself, some time to take care of Haley.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Posted by haLey at 7:51 AM
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1 comments:
You dont know me, but I found your blog through your sister Jenny's. Reading your words brought tears to my eyes because I can say with all honesty I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. Your situation was almost identical to one I had. The hardest part is not being able to A. forget how much you love this person, and B. explain to them why you cannot be with them when you still love them so very much. All I can say is this. You made the right decision, listening to yourself, I mean really listening and trusting yourself is always the right decision. I will not say it gets easier any time soon cause in my situation it took a while, a long while to heal, but the Lord really did have something absolutly marvouslous for me in store and when I found the Man I was supposed to be with I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was right, perfect, lovely and I love him so much more than I could have ever imagined. And it was so much sweeter because I knew the hurt. You WILL get through this because you are a Jones (your brother Dustin is still one of my favorite people and Jenny is a rock of an example) and you will one day look back and smile and say "I did it, and look at me now."
Remember, Trust yourself!
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